Clean Shaven

published in Barren Magazine, October 2018

**Content/Trigger warnings: depictions of sexual abuse; self-harm**

Never granted a single kiss

on these lips or the ones -- bright pink roses

between taut legs, scissors ready

to open and close at your bidding

lay me down flat, don’t look at this face

you can’t bear the pain in my eyes

tears overflowing as I say no

you don’t listen, like me clean-shaven

in words and upon this skin

baby-soft, I did it for you, did you notice?

still I am not given a caress in love

or in desire, just this pumping pain

between legs -- I can’t even see the one

who claims to love me, claims to protect

instead confuses yes and no

with you’ll like it in the end

doesn’t make it rape if you enjoy it

did I? enjoy it? no –

in the end after you finished, I cradled

sharp scissors in hand, rocked

back and forth on cold tile

bare ass soaking in the icy cold, skin

feeling the slice of metal

I didn’t want to feel the pain

internal anymore but you wouldn’t

take blame

you may have lifted me afterwards,

told me not to cut, not to slice

but at that point my heart had already been

cut

in a million pieces; what did it matter if my skin

was clean-shaven and ready for your love

your only passion was in the taking

only joy was feeling like you had control

that I would never leave you, not now

that I am yours and you have taken

my self-respect, taken from me

even the hairs between

my legs