Clean Shaven

November 4, 2018

  Clean Shaven

published in Barren Magazine, October 2018

upcoming in You Are Not Your R*pe anthology, December 2018

 

 

**Content/Trigger warnings: depictions of sexual abuse; self-harm**

 

 

Never granted a single kiss

on these lips or the ones --                  bright pink roses

            between taut legs, scissors ready

to open and close                    at your bidding

lay me down               flat, don’t look at this face

            you can’t bear the pain           in my eyes

tears overflowing as I say           no

you don’t listen, like me clean-shaven

            in words and upon this            skin

baby-soft, I did it for you,       did you notice?

still I am not given      a caress in love

            or in desire,                 just this pumping pain

between legs --            I can’t even see the one

who claims to love me, claims to                   protect

            instead confuses          yes and no

with     you’ll like it in the end

doesn’t make it           rape     if you enjoy it

            did I? enjoy it?                                    no –

in the end after you finished,              I cradled

sharp scissors in hand,            rocked

            back and forth on cold tile

bare ass           soaking            in the icy cold, skin

feeling the                   slice of metal

            I didn’t want to feel the pain

internal anymore         but you wouldn’t

                         take blame

you may have lifted me          afterwards,

            told me not to cut,                   not to slice

but at that point           my heart had already been

                                  cut

in a million pieces;      what did it matter if my skin

            was clean-shaven and ready   for your love

your only passion was in the taking

only joy was    feeling like you had    control

            that I would never leave you,             not now

that I am          yours               and you have taken

my self-respect,           taken from me

even the           hairs between

            my legs

 

 

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