The day after I decided to leave him for good, it was coyote season.
I guess you could say, every season is coyote season. Sometimes we don't see them at all, but they're still there. This time, a coyote appeared as a spirit guide to call me back home; family of the wolf.
We passed by an open field, dry stalks in the winter air, and saw a tawny and gray-coated coyote standing regally, gazing at the cars passing. He was alone in the field, observing, in the open - and broad daylight. I've never seen anything like it before.
The moment seemed to extend and stretch - though also pass in a flash as velocity took us past each other. Our eyes very nearly met, our souls acknowledged each other.
The coyote, much like the wolf, has received a bad name by humans. But what a beautiful, magnificent creature. Larger than an average family pet, and smaller than a wolf - the coyote's howl will often appear during a time of transition (such as dusk or dawn). Like wolves, they are crepuscular creatures.
Coyotes also symbolize cunning, cleverness, and resilience. A symbol of death and rebirth, I know this coyote appeared to me as a reminder that no matter how painful this transition period, it's been a storm brewing within me for so long; a chaos needed to be untethered, unleashed, released...
I've always held coyotes (and their wolf brethren) as symbolic of survival (led by instincts), adaptability, and resourcefulness. As I read deeper into the spiritual meaning of a coyote, they can show us how to get back on our feet (especially fitting for me during this time of complete unknown; I've bared my vulnerable soul to the universe, I've set my intention to create a happy and healthy life... I hope I do not have to lose my home, my beloved fur babies... but if I must shed what I deeply love in order to find inner peace and joy, I might need to make some sacrifices and painful/difficult decisions).
Tap into who you really are - that's the message of the coyote.
Now, I get to see who she is. Where my Higher Self has been gently, slowly leading me on this wild path full of twists and detours, winding passages I must navigate now - alone. But very much beloved and surrounded by a warm, safe pack of family, friends, and loved ones.
I'm entering Coyote Season, embracing back to self and all I know deep within, all I have denied and tossed away from shame, self-betrayal, and the hope that I can forge a life in one reality: safe, healthy, and nurturing for my peace and nervous system. As a trauma survivor, this safety and space to breathe becomes all the more necessary. We cultivate a space to unwind, unravel, and let our guard down. To release the hyper-vigilance and anxious looking over the shoulder, tensing up for the next storm when all we want is to dance in the rain...
Image: Unsplash, Tristan Frank